I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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