I have demons in me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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