I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
