Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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