i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
