Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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