You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize