A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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