That's intense
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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