While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
