I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize