I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
