porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
