Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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