I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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