And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Someone shit on the floor
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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