I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
