Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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