Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
