Your face is a jimmy john
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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