It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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