I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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