You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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