he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
