so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
