I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
