I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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