It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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