I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
