So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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