Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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