drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
