bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
