The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
