I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
