So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
