no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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