some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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