haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
