I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
