He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
