We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
