tell your sister to shave her snatch
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
God, I missed his penis.
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