Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
