can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
