I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
