I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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