i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
