508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
