that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
