Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
