you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
