remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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