Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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