I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
