She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
