i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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