We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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