i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
