Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
