I need help removing her.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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