Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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