is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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