Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
